lets start a swedish sibling band together
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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