Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
