he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
