OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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