After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
