Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
