I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
