11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
