omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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