Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Shame - the story of my life.
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