My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
