these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
