she was so not down for the gang bang
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
