she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
