I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
