dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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