you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
