i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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