I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
