turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
