he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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