OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
