Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
