Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
