She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
We smell like vodka and hangover
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