I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Do vagina's smell?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
