I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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