How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
