think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We need to get me chipped asap
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
