YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
