Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
