he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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