cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
