so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
That accounts for only three of the penises
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
