i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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