i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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