Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
