Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
