she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Come see our sink grown plant.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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