I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize