Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
