garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
