youre lurking in front of me
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
