Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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