If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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