Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
