I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
