This is not my ceiling
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
