Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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