Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize