You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
