guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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