Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
