I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
