it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
