Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
