2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
A bitchslap is in order.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
