you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
