Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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