Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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