so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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