TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize