mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
