nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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