dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
