Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize