A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
