The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
