Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm passing your future prison.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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