I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My vagina is officially offended.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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