At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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