I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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