I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
