we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Randomize
