two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
