I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
