When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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