i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
